I'm a morning person. I appreciate waking up early enough to get things done and still have tons of day left. I know this is actually almost a false premise -- by waking up early, I'm more likely to go to bed early. My friends who wake at noon actually have more day left at noon, because they'll be awake so much later than I am. For me, though, waking at noon feels totally different, and I don't like it.
The difficulty today comes from the fact that I woke up a little after 8 am, but Adam went to sleep around 7 am. We have a lot of errands we want to do, and he's sleeping through them. I'm annoyed, of course, but I don't want to wake up him because I know he needs his sleep as much as the next person. It would be fine if today were totally free -- we could just go to the stores later. However, today isn't, and there's a hard stop when we have to finish things and go do other activities, so sleeping through the day is untenable with our current plans.
Along with sleeping in, I also hate changing plans. So, what should I do? Wake him up, so we can start our day, or let him sleep, and try to get over my severe annoyance at him changing (almost typed 'ruining') the plans we had set up. Dilemmas. At the very least, I can let him sleep a little longer and see if he gets up naturally. Sometimes he sets alarms for himself when he knows we have tasks. We'll see?
Saturday, August 20, 2011
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
RIP Patrick
Today, my lizard died. He'd been a good pet -- an extension of myself. I'm going to miss him a lot. I feel like I have more to say, but I don't have the heart to say it.
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
The zoo
I love going to zoos. I love seeing the animals alive and I love the awe of so many animals in one location. I love how these animals live in our cities.
Some part of me does wonder if this is a good place for them -- "do those fish have enough room to swim?" "I'd think it's too cold for the tigers here in Pittsburgh" -- and I steal glances at the people who work at the zoo and wonder about them as well. If only one slacks off, it could be detrimental to the animals in some way. The responsibility for so many unique lives in a place that is naturally inhospitable to them must be overwhelming.
I've felt that way with Patrick lately. Am I taking good enough care of him? He's so sick. How do I know if I'm doing the right thing?
Some part of me does wonder if this is a good place for them -- "do those fish have enough room to swim?" "I'd think it's too cold for the tigers here in Pittsburgh" -- and I steal glances at the people who work at the zoo and wonder about them as well. If only one slacks off, it could be detrimental to the animals in some way. The responsibility for so many unique lives in a place that is naturally inhospitable to them must be overwhelming.
I've felt that way with Patrick lately. Am I taking good enough care of him? He's so sick. How do I know if I'm doing the right thing?
Monday, August 15, 2011
Steps forward and back
Today I was checking out financial blogs. The odd part of my life is that I'm pretty good with money, and always have been, but that the last couple years have brought on a ton of debt. I've been a do-gooder lately; most of the debt was accumulated before I became a professional do-gooder, but the money you receive for doing good is not the kind that helps you pay off the debt. So, each month, I paid my bills and kept things straight. Sometimes, it was tough just to pay all the bills on time, much less try to find time to start retirement savings or pay off debt.
Yet I did manage to start a small IRA this past year, which brought me some comfort. Recently I also began a plan to completely pay off my debt in the next couple of years (without having to live like a total pauper to do it). Both of these facts bring me comfort, even as I'm about to embark on law school and the pile of debt that comes with that. I can forgive myself for the school debt, though. Partially because it's extremely common for people my age, partially because I have no debt from undergrad to build upon, and partially because I am aware of this debt going into it. I'm not stumbling into it accidentally, the way the rest of my debt started -- leaving a long-term relationship, being without a job or a house for several months (but continuing to have bills to pay on things like storage), and when I would find jobs, they wouldn't pay well or last long. When I finally did start making consitently, it was the poorly paying do-gooding. Rebuilding my life from the days when I had nothing has been difficult, and returning to school and a return to forward motion instead of simply picking up pieces. The debt for law school is a step backward, but it is, in some ways, a very important step forward as well. It's a necessary evil for getting to a place where my life will continue into the future, and I'm okay with that.
Nervous, but okay.
Yet I did manage to start a small IRA this past year, which brought me some comfort. Recently I also began a plan to completely pay off my debt in the next couple of years (without having to live like a total pauper to do it). Both of these facts bring me comfort, even as I'm about to embark on law school and the pile of debt that comes with that. I can forgive myself for the school debt, though. Partially because it's extremely common for people my age, partially because I have no debt from undergrad to build upon, and partially because I am aware of this debt going into it. I'm not stumbling into it accidentally, the way the rest of my debt started -- leaving a long-term relationship, being without a job or a house for several months (but continuing to have bills to pay on things like storage), and when I would find jobs, they wouldn't pay well or last long. When I finally did start making consitently, it was the poorly paying do-gooding. Rebuilding my life from the days when I had nothing has been difficult, and returning to school and a return to forward motion instead of simply picking up pieces. The debt for law school is a step backward, but it is, in some ways, a very important step forward as well. It's a necessary evil for getting to a place where my life will continue into the future, and I'm okay with that.
Nervous, but okay.
Sunday, August 14, 2011
Trusting the process
I've been trying to learn how to run using Couch-to-5k. I was so skeptical when I began the program. I've never been able to jog at all; my asthma is too severe. The first day I went jogging, I couldn't finish all of the 30-second jogging cycles. Yet somehow I convinced myself to keep going with this program. After all, it's worked for tons of people. I can watch the #c25k hashtag on Twitter to see people at various levels of the program. Awesomely enough, it has been working for me, too.
That said, I've been 'stuck' in week 7 for about three weeks now because of some health problems, but I've also been amazed because each time I go to jog, I'm able to pick up where I left off. True, it's not perfect -- because I haven't been working out as regularly, I've lost a lot of time off of my pace -- but I'm still able to keep going for the same length of time. I've learned to regulate my pace so my asthma doesn't stop me. I never even knew that was possible until I started trying.
In some ways, it's strange to see how I am like all the other people C25K worked for. Aren't I an individual? Don't I have asthma and other unique factors that make running difficult? In other ways, I still feel a tension and resistance in my thoughts. There are days when I think that I don't need to do something a certain way. Even this morning, I told myself I wouldn't jog the full 25 minutes because I needed to ease into jogging again. I kept saying, "After this song, I'll walk." But the song would end, and I'd keep jogging along. Sometimes, it's about trusting that C25K says I'm ready to do something. I need that on the days when I feel uncertain. Yet, those days are becoming less common. As I keep going through the steps in C25K, I'm learning to trust it less and trust myself more.
It's a process. It's only half about the jogging.
That said, I've been 'stuck' in week 7 for about three weeks now because of some health problems, but I've also been amazed because each time I go to jog, I'm able to pick up where I left off. True, it's not perfect -- because I haven't been working out as regularly, I've lost a lot of time off of my pace -- but I'm still able to keep going for the same length of time. I've learned to regulate my pace so my asthma doesn't stop me. I never even knew that was possible until I started trying.
In some ways, it's strange to see how I am like all the other people C25K worked for. Aren't I an individual? Don't I have asthma and other unique factors that make running difficult? In other ways, I still feel a tension and resistance in my thoughts. There are days when I think that I don't need to do something a certain way. Even this morning, I told myself I wouldn't jog the full 25 minutes because I needed to ease into jogging again. I kept saying, "After this song, I'll walk." But the song would end, and I'd keep jogging along. Sometimes, it's about trusting that C25K says I'm ready to do something. I need that on the days when I feel uncertain. Yet, those days are becoming less common. As I keep going through the steps in C25K, I'm learning to trust it less and trust myself more.
It's a process. It's only half about the jogging.
The Map of Days
Several years ago, I was speaking to my friend Rob. I can't tell you what the conversation was about. It may have been over the phone. What I remember is that, as he spoke, he said "...map of days..." and I responded with, "That'd be a great title for a book of poetry."
I already wrote "Map of Days," the book of poetry. Like all of my books, it is unpublished, and I don't feel it is ready for others to see. This is a blog, and blogs are much more easy-going.
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